If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
