hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We got so high we made milksteak
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
