i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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