Sponge bath it is.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
