It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
