Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
