Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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