I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
