I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
