wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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