you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
