Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
