the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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