If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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