Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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