smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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