Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my poor anus
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
