The maid of honor just puked.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize