where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
