she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
