I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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