I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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