hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My balls are so social today.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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