DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
