The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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