I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
