somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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