there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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