my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's blow job season.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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