I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
