so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
