smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
