just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
