just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize