She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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