I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
