hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
