You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
organizing the empties. That sober.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
