he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
