Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
