I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
