Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
