I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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