i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize