i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
