This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
