So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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