If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
