Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I looked at my own cervix.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
