dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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