My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
