The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
