you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
3pm strippers are depressing
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
