omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
