I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
