You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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