I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
