is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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