he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
