she woke up with a sticky ear
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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