I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
