I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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