Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
